well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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