I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
