if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
