This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
