I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize