Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
