You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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