I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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