Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
