while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
