you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
