Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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