My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Alive.
So much puke
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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