I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
