Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
