We're facebook friends in real life
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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