I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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