i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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