I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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