apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize