I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
