stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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