She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize