my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
