quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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