So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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