made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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