One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
