The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
