Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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