On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize