This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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