So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
