High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
