I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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