She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
