do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
