those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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