I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
