He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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