What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I could fuck to npr.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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