I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
