census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
