i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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