Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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