i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
