well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
