some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize