I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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