He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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