I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
