I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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