Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
