my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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