Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
