Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
