I think my fart just growled at me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am one with the molecules
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
