yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
