Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize