Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
