So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
