3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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