How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize