I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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