I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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