Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
