All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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