I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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