Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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