I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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