I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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