dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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