does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
