yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
