i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
