so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
