Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
