if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
