I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
