Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
