i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
