I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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