Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just threw up on my dentist
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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