My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
