I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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