I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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