I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
