My sheets look like a crime scene.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
