My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
